THAT GIRL, NOW

Dramatic change, yes?

The girl in yesterdays picture was dreaming about all the babies she was going to have (she wanted 10). The gal in this picture had three of those children (two of them grown) watching as this picture was taken. In fact, they were the ones that chose this pose. She wasn't just someone's Mommy, she was someone's mother-in-law.

I think one of the most disturbing things about being middle-aged (it hurts to even type that word), is the realization that time no longer seems limitless like it did at twenty. When I was twenty I had a lot of patience. I could always tell myself that "someday" I can do that , or get that, or go there. At 47, time is not the limitless resource it used to be. I feel an urgency suddenly. I don't like that feeling.

It's been very strange lately to catch a glimpse of myself while passing a mirror or store window and seeing my mother there instead of who I thought I was. I see it more and more every day. It always surprises me.

I've had several patients tell me that I looked like a certain country singer that I really like. I loved hearing that, it was good for my ego! About three months ago I walked into a patient's room that I'd been taking care of  for several days. He said to me, "Melissa, my wife and I agree that you look just like Shirley McClain." I kind of chuckled and muttered something about no one ever telling me that before. I've felt 20 years older ever since!

I know that all of this sounds shallow and superficial. I hate that it bothers me. Life is precious and I'm grateful to have it. I'm not at death's door or disabled, Thank God. I still have a lot of life left to live and I intend to enjoy it. And I will, just as soon as I drape all the mirrors in my house and burn my copy of Steel Magnolias.