I have often been accused of being a dreamer. I always felt that it was said in an accusatory manner, as in "the opposite of a realist". For most of my life I've viewed this as a shortcoming of mine. In all honesty, I am a dreamer. And if I'm honest, I've not felt too terribly insulted when this has been pointed out to me. I do not, however, admit that I don't acknowledge reality. I'm a dreamer...not an idiot.
As the age of 50 looms larger in front of me (if it's not reality to admit THAT, then I don't know what IS), I take closer and more detailed inventory of my life, my thoughts, my beliefs, my dreams and my soul. I don't think we give enough thought or attention to our souls. For one thing - try to describe soul! Voltaire said, "Four thousand volumes of metaphysics will not teach us what the soul is." It's like trying to grasp mist. And yet, it is what defines us. It is that part of us that inhabits the throw away body we live in. The trick is to get our ego to shut up long enough to let us hear our soul.
For as long as I can remember, I've been a searcher. I haven't always known what I was searching for, or even realized that I was searching, but I realize now that I have indeed been searching. Mostly I think the search has been for a way to live from my soul and not from my ego. Ego allows what others think of me to define me. Ego even allow what I think of me to define me. Ego is what let's my feelings get hurt, what causes me to hurt another's feelings. Ego is what makes it hard to forgive myself and others. In short, ego is what screws me up. I'm tired of living with ego being the driving force in my life. I want to learn to live from my soul.
I've been studying the laws of intention. I don't think that I've ever pondered anything that has made more sense to me. I have a strong belief in God and everything that I've read points me right back to God and his intention for me, and my place in the universe. I'm learning to see everything that has happened in my life, the good and the bad as things to be grateful for. It's not easy to be grateful for the painful things. It's not easy to look back on times when I've been so far off the mark and say, "Thank you God for the opportunities to learn." But I've learned that by saying just that, that the lessons become apparent. I'm learning that giving forgiveness is absolutely a gift to myself. Holding on to bad feelings and refusing to forgive someone who has wronged me is toxic to me; to my soul. I realize that I've been very unkind to my soul. I've allowed 'circumstances' to dictate my state of heart, my state of mind, and more importantly my state of soul.
From this day forward I will thank God for everything that happens in my life...the good and the bad. I will accept the good as a gift that I deserve and the bad as a lesson to be learned to allow more good and abundance in my life in every area of my life. Other's will think what they will of me. I will choose to love them. Not everyone is going to agree with me. That is okay and will not subtract from my knowing what I silently know. I will not allow anyone's negative energy to distract from the intention that God has for me. I am not the wrinkles around my eyes, the varicose veins in my leg, or the extra 15 pounds that stubbornly cling to me. I am not the mistakes I have made or will make in the future. I am not just a silly dreamer or sentimental fool. I am not a failure as a mother, wife, daughter, sister or a friend, I am just simply human and choose to forgive myself and those that have hurt me. I ask forgiveness for the times that I've hurt others and neglected to do what was required of me. I choose to be positive, kind, giving, and loving. I choose to expect miracles both small and large and not to be surprised when they happen. I choose to let the word fear evaporate from my vocabulary both mentally and physically. I choose to live from my soul, receive through my soul and nourish my soul. My God is a great big God and I know that He wants to give me the peace I have longed for, I just have to get out of the way.
I want to live my life with purpose. I was put here on this earth for a purpose, my job is to find that purpose and live it with passion. We attract into our lives what we think about. When things are bad and we keep thinking about how bad things are, we just attract more of what we don't want. I will think about good things, focus my attention on good things and more good things will show up in my life. I choose to feel good regardless of what is going on around me or what others might choose to think about me. My soul and God deserve nothing less.
