It would be no surprise to anyone that knows me that I'm a sentimental person. The sap that sickens some people defines me to some extent. I'll even go so far as to admit that I feel more than I think. I'm not saying this is a good thing or a bad thing, it's just the way I am. I'm an emotional sponge. I can walk into a room and whatever the prevailing mood is, becomes mine. I relive happy memories all of the time. I am often off on some nostalgic trip in my mind.

Tonight I watched the Hallmark Hall of Fame movie on television. My contact lenses are coated in salt because I had tears in my eyes for most of the movie. The movie was very sweet and sad. I love the Hallmark movies. But my favorite part of the Hallmark movies are the Hallmark commercials. I wish they had a DVD of all of the Hallmark commercials from the beginning, I'd buy it immediately. Although the movie tonight wasn't a Christmas movie, one of the commercials was. While watching that commercial I felt like I was transported back in time. Or maybe what I really mean is that I wish I could have been transported back in time. It featured a mother watching from the shadows as her small children were looking through their ornament collection. She stood silently watching as they pulled each one lovingly from the box and talked amongst themselves about why they were special. It is a moment that I remember living myself many times. It's funny, because at those times their childhood seemed endless. Although intellectually I knew that they would grow up and leave us, my mother's heart couldn't wrap itself around such a thought. And now, well now that they have grown up and some of them have left us I still can't wrap my heart around that.

I searched for forty five minutes for the perfect picture to post above this entry. I couldn't find what I was looking for. And suddenly I realized that I would never find the perfect picture to go along with these particular thoughts. I would never find the perfect picture because what I was looking for was not a picture. It's a feeling. A beautiful and loving feeling that is so imprinted in my heart that only I know the exact nuances of light and shadow it contains. It's the anticipation I saw on my children's faces leading up to Christmas. It's the way they tried so hard to be very good the week before Christmas. It's the painstakingly way they would  pour over the JC Penney's toy catalog as they wrote  their letters to Santa. It's the way they so proudly shopped at Santa's workshop at school for their Dad and I and their siblings, and then try to keep the secret of what they'd bought (which they often failed to do). It's the impish giggling and excitement that they couldn't contain as they tried to fall asleep on Christmas Eve. And it was the absolute joy and abandon they demonstrated every single Christmas morning as they rushed to the living room on Christmas morning in their pj's. It was pure magic and I was filled with the happiness they felt. They were my Christmas. Christmas is love in it's purest form. I know that Christmas is not just Santa and toys for children. I know that it's to celebrate the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ. I knew that then and so did they, just as we know that today. Jesus was the gift to the world  My children were and are God's gifts to me.

We have Austin now and as I've said many times he has been such a gift. He has given us another chance to experience Christmas through the eyes of a child. He brought the wonder and magic of Christmas back to our family and to see my grown children reliving the wonder of it all through him again is one of the most beautiful sights on this earth to me. Christmas' are different now though, our daughter, Emily lives in Florida and she is not here with us on Christmas. No one can take that place, it's hers alone and I dread again that empty spot.

My  mother asked me not long ago what I wanted for Christmas. What I wanted to say, but knew that she couldn't give me was one more Christmas past. I want to see Patrick, Emily, and Sarah as children again around our Christmas tree. I want to see them laughing and hugging one another. I want to hear them singing along with "Thistle Hair, The Christmas Bear" and see their eyes dance. I want to hear their young sweet voices as they show us, with excitement, what Santa brought them. I want to stand in the shadows and watch them be little again as they experience Christmas and each other.  I want to see that again. I have the memories of it though, and they are burned into my mind's eye and more importantly they are burned into my heart. Which is why I love Hallmark commercials. It's a chance to see it and feel it all over again.

So, Patrick, Emily and Sarah, please always know that you are dearer to me than I could ever tell you with words. Please know that you and your little brother, Austin ARE Christmas to me and you always will be.

Christmas is love. You are love.

 

Now, I ask you, is this not one of the cutest things you've ever seen in your life?  I swear this dog lives to please us. He would sit there with that bone on his nose forever (as long as it doesn't begin to slip) until we say "OKAY!". When we say "OKAY!", he flips it in the air and catches it. It's the cutest little trick. If I ever figure out how to put a video on here I'll show you how he does it. I just printed this picture tonight to do a scrapbook page of him and I thought the internet might like to see it too!

Moving right along from the cutest dog in the world to the cutest little boy in the world. I snapped this of Austin last week after Amber cut his hair and he was showing off his new sporty spike haircut. I have been telling little boys not to play ball in the house for ohhhh about 26 years now. This litter doesn't listen any better than the last one did!!! I often wonder what little boys hear in the heads as they swing those bats at imaginary balls. Heck I wonder what little boys hear in their heads any old time.

When the kids were little and I would ask one of the girls to go do something they would walk normally across the floor and do what I asked them to do with no gratuitous actions. When you ask a little boy to do the same thing they will fight off imaginary enemies on their way, or make imaginary jump shots, or pretend they are skiing down a slippery slope.  It's like they live in permanent parallel worlds and mother's are not allowed to know what goes on in "the other one".

Now a little bit about "the juice"!

There is seldom a day that goes by that I don't talk to someone that we've introduced this juice to that doesn't tell me a story that makes me so happy I want to cry! The one about the horse is my favorite one!

Our good friends Matt and Connie have been neighbors of ours for years. Matt trains thoroughbred racing horses. He has about 10 horses that he trains for other owners and then they have a couple of their own. Well, Connie gave Matt a case of MonaVie and told him to start giving it to the horse they they own. We had no idea how much to give a horse that size but somehow Connie and Matt decided on 66 cc's. So on a Monday, Matt started giving the horse 66 cc's of juice in the morning and 66 cc's of juice in the evening. On Thursday of that same week Connie decided that 66 cc's probably wasn't going to be enough to make a difference considering the size of the horse so she told Matt not to give the horse any more juice. He said he wouldn't. Very early the next morning when Matt got to the track and the girl that exercises the horse every morning brought him back in she said to Matt, "Matt, I don't know what you've done different to that horse, but whatever it is, DON'T STOP!". When he asked her why, she said, "That horse has never wanted to run as bad as he does now." Matt walked right to the phone and called Connie saying, "You know how you told me not to give that horse any more juice? Well, I'm not listening to you!". The following Tuesday they had that horse in a claiming race at Churchill Downs. The horse came in 3rd! Matt says he would have been 1st but he went wide at the turn to get around the other horses because he wanted to run so bad! Unfortunately, someone claimed the horse that night and he is no longer getting his juice. Matt is deciding which horse he's going to try on it next.

My sister-in-law has had hypertension for years. She has been on three blood pressure medicines for a long time and even on medication her blood pressure consistently ran 150's and 160's over the 90's. After one month of drinking the juice she was talking to me on the phone one day and mentioned that she'd been getting dizzy when she stands up. I told her to go right that second and take her blood pressure. Guess what it was? 118 over 67! It's been staying there too! She is going back to the doctor to begin getting off of some of her BP meds. I am so thrilled by that I can't even tell you. All of the medication she is on has horrible side affects and she's going to be able to get off of them!

I ran into a dentist the other day that I'd given a bottle of juice to and he was soo happy to see me. He said he was almost out of juice and he didn't want to run out. WhenI asked him what it had done for me top on his list was relief of pain in his shoulder, ankle and neck. Then he went on to tell me how he doesn't hit the wall at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. He said he has lots of energy and is sleeping much better. He thanked me for sharing it with him.

It is so thrilling to be able to introduce someone to something like MonaVie that is improving their lives. Some people feel these kinds of results immediately, within a matter of days. A few people seem to require two to three bottles of it. I wish everyone could feel it quickly. It's frustrating when they give up after one or two bottles when I know that if they'd just hang in there for another bottle or two they'd be sooo happy they did.

My business has really taken off and there are some very exciting things getting ready to happen with it. Life is fun! If I told you what this business is going to do for me financially in the next six months you wouldn't even believe me. But trust me, it is happening!

Here is a quote I found to leave you with

A rising tide raises all ships.

I don't know who said it, but I like it!  And  baby, my ship is rising!

Meet Superman!!!

I realize that this picture is a little blurry....I'm sure there will be more to follow.  This was taken yesterday while he was getting his spa (misting, with special salt water)  treatment

Austin has wanted a Hermit Crab for the longest time. His brother used to beg me for a snake, IT DIDN'T HAPPEN! I am not a fan of rodents or reptiles. I love dogs and cats, they are the kinds of pets that love you back.

When my first litter of kids were little they begged to have hamsters. Hamsters, as you know are rodents. I think there is nothing in the world that I loathe more than rodents. But, knowing how thrilled they would be to have them, I gave in. I not only gave in, I sat up one whole night once watching one of those hamsters give birth to about 16 hairless, pink, squirmy babies. (The hamster got pregnant when Patrick and his eighth grade sleep-over friends decided the nights entertainment would be sneaking his male hamster out of his cage and into the cage of little sister's female hamster. All unbeknownst to moi!).

So, as you can already tell, I'm a push-over. Austin has done the hamster thing as well. I can't remember how long the hamster lived but I know that it wasn't over six months. So, last weekend when we went to Petsmart to get a Furminator comb for Tucker, he started his campaign for another hamster. I was as bound and determined as he was that we were NOT coming home with a hamster. Then he wanted a chinchilla! NOT! Then he tried for a guinea pig! NOT! So by the time we were ready to pay for our purchases and leave, Austin looked like the saddest of little boys. Like I said, I'm a pushover! We looked around the store and I nixed: the bird, the chinchilla, the hamster, the guinea pig, and the most adorable kittens in the world. Eventually, we ended up in front of the hermit crabs. For the life of me I could not imagine why in the world he wanted one of those things, but want one he did. I decided that they couldn't be that much trouble and wanting to make him smile, I said he could get one. We came home with a "crab" house, crab food, crab water conditioner for drinking, crab water conditioner for bathing (yes, crabs bathe!), substrate for the bottom of the "crab"house, a special sponge and dish for crabs to drink out of, and a crab food bowl. But the most important thing we came home with was a very happy little boy! You would have thought I'd bought him his very own amusement park. We carefully set up Speedy's little "crab" house, fixed his food and water and settled him in Austin's room. Then we decided that we'd better read up on the care and feeding of hermit crabs. After printing many many pages of "instructions" from the web we thought we had all of our bases covered and would have a long life with Speedy.

Speedy immediately buried himself in the back corner of his little home and refused to come out. In our reading, we discovered that when brought to a new home that they will often do this. We decided to be patient and wait him out. About the middle of the week I began to worry about Speedy (Did I really just admit that I was worried about a crab?) I decided to do some more reading about the care and feeding of hermit crabs! I learned that we should have purchased a heating source for his "crab" house. Hmmm, could that be why Speedy wasn't moving?

On Friday night I stopped by Petsmart again and purchased the necessary heating pad. While I was there, the gods that help make little boys happy somehow planted the thought in my brain that I should take home another crab. And, so, I did.  When I got home with the heating pad and the new crab Austin was tickled to death. He and Patrick headed for his room to give Speedy some heat and a friend. While Austin was in the kitchen with me "fixing the crabs' supper", Patrick came downstairs carrying Speedy's shell upside down. Evidently when he picked him up, Speedy's dead and decaying body came crumbling ot of the shell. I quickly said a prayer of thanks to the "gods that help make little boys happy" that I'd brought home a new crab!

This one is named Superman. Austin loves him! He's bigger than Speedy was and he is happily moving about his "crab" house and eating his special crab food and gourmet (yes, that right, gourmet!) treats. His house is warm and clean and  he lets us (yes, that's right US!) hold him.

My Zodiac sign is Cancer the Crab. While watching him yesterday, I realized that I can relate to him on many levels. But if any of you think I'm going to spell them out here, well......DREAM ON! Let's just say that Superman and I have an understanding.

 

Our oldest daughter, Emily, was in town this weekend for a friend's wedding. She met Austin and I for lunch yesterday. It was so wonderful to see her and hear about her new job and what is going on in her life. She is such a smart, driven, and good person. I was so thrilled to just sit and look at her as I listened to all the goings on in her life. I miss her so much.

We don't look anything alike and our opinions have seldom matched up. I think there is no relationship more complex than the mother-daughter relationship. It's fraught with land mines. We've stepped into many of them and we both carry the scars to prove it. But being a daughter and having daughters I have learned that it's okay to be different from one another. We are not clones of our mothers, nor should we be. But the main thing that I have learned that my daughters don't know yet is that the love I feel for them is bigger than any differences we might have. It covers every disagreement, feeling of betrayal, and difference of opinion. I simply could not choose not to love them.

So, to my beautiful daughter Emily, thank you for having lunch with me. Thank you for sharing your news with me. Thank you for putting up with the mother you were dealt. I love you more than you could ever imagine.

A date with destiny?

   Saturday night I had a date.

The most adorable little boy in the world asked me out. I was thrilled! You see, the movie he'd been waiting for had finally hit Cinema Showcase and he was chomping at the bit to get there. His proposition was was if I would drive us there, he would pay for our tickets. My first reaction was to say, "I'll take you to the movie, but you don't have to pay for the tickets." Then, I realized that this could be a very good thing for him to do. For one thing he would be getting a lesson in the value of a dollar. For another thing, he would get to be the giver instead of the taker. He was very proud to pick up his wallet and I think he felt very powerful as we headed towards the cinema.

We walked into the theater and headed to the ticket counter. He had his little wallet in his hands and his little eight year old self said to the lady taking the money, "We want tickets for FLUSHED AWAY." The thirty-something woman behind the counter looked him straight in the eye and said, "Ok, let's see that will be one child and one senior, that comes to $11.75." He opened his wallet and began counting out his money. I was busy trying to decide if I had heard her right! My mouth had fallen open, and I heard myself saying in a voice I didn't even recognize as my own, "Surely I don't qualify for a senior citizen's discount!" I guess she could tell by the mournful tone of my voice that she had made a serious faux pas. "Oh, ma'am, I'm so sorry", she gushed as her face turned red. She then gave Austin the revised price of $13.75. He very correctly counted out two five dollar bills, three one dollar bills  and three quarters. She went on and on  about how perfectly he had counted the correct amount of money to give to her. It was too late, she could have declared him as the newest child math prodigy to the world at large and it was not going to make up for the fact that she had looked at me and deduced in some twisted corner of her demented mind that I was a senior citizen!!!! I just simply could not get over it. I know that I'm not a spring chicken. I realize that I'm closer to 50 than 40. I even realize that it's possible and maybe even expected that people could assume I'm Austin's grandmother rather than his mother. But I refuse to admit that I look like I would qualify for a discount that is only available to people over 62, or is it 65? See, I don't even know when it kicks in, because it's not something that is even within the realm of possibility for me yet. At least I didn't think so!

From the ticket counter we made our way to the concession stand and when Austin started to pay for our Cokes and popcorn I told him to put his wallet back in his pocket, "Granny is going to pay for the treats", I grumbled. He thanked me and we made our way into the semi-dark theater. After we got ourselves settled in our seats and were munching away on our popcorn I began to let the memory of the dumb ticket lady fade away. Then, out of nowhere, Austin turned to me and said, "Mommy, you shouldn't have said anything to that lady, I could have saved $2.00!

You know, there is something to be said for mothers who eat their young.