I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas.  I feel like I've been in a blender, going 100 miles an hour since  this time last week. It's hard to believe that Christmas 2005 is behind us and we're getting ready to start a brand new year.

I think I've mentioned before how much joy Austin has brought into my life since his birth in 1998. When I learned that I was pregnant with him I thought my life was over. He was definitely unplanned! Many times people have remarked to me that he must have been a mistake. Sadly, I must admit that when I learned of his existence, I, too, thought of him as a mistake. All I could do was cry when I got the news. I cried and I cried and then I cried some more. I could not understand why God had thought it a good thing for me to have another baby at my age and my stage of life.  I guess I cried for about 4 months. Then, on ultrasound, I saw this little miracle of life growing inside of me and I saw that tiny little heart beating and I fell in love. Then, and don't ask me why this was one of my first thoughts, but I thought of how much fun Christmas would be again! My kids were all grown up and for the most part the "magic" had gone out of Christmas. Here was a fresh little believer and I was happy about that. From the moment of his birth, he's been a true blessing in my life. He has been the reminder of what is truly important in life. He was the very thing I needed and didn't know that I needed. So, when people say to me now, "He must have been a mistake". I just smile and say, "No, he wasn't a mistake. A mistake is something that you wish had never happened. He was a surprise! A surprise is a gift you receive that you didn't even know that you wanted." And that is exactly what he has been for me.  Which leads me to some reflections on this Christmas...

I get into Christmas in a big way. I love the shopping, even though I grumble about the stress of it all. I wouldn't trade shopping for my kids at Christmas for anything. I shop until I think I'm done, and then I shop some more. I go overboard, I admit, but I love surprising my kids with things that I know they want or need but never ask for.  I have always wrapped everything that "Santa" brings. I wrap for hours after everyone is in bed. Then I stash it carefully!  I make sure to use different wrapping paper for "Santa" than I do for the other Christmas gifts. My husband usually goes to bed before I do on Christmas Eve. I love being the only one up in a quiet house with the tree glowing in all it's glory. The joy I get from bringing in all those  wrapped Santa gifts and putting them under the tree is a joy that I wouldn't trade for all the tea in China.  It's one of the true pleasures in my life. The kids have usually slept like logs on Christmas Eve, but not me! I'm the most excited of the group. I just simply can't wait for morning, when I can put the Christmas morning breakfast casserole in the oven, make the coffee and wait for the sleepy faces to show up under the tree. To me, it's one of the greatest things about being a parent; that deal that I have with Santa Claus!

My older kids have found a new enthusiasm for Christmas because of Austin. They are so into it with him. They love spoiling him and surprising him. They tell me that their Christmas is made by watching him and remembering how it felt when they were his age. They don't care if they get a thing from Santa anymore. His joy has become their joy as well. But as long as I have breath in my body, Santa will bring their Christmas gifts on Christmas Eve while they're sleeping, even if they're sleeping in their own homes!

I finally had to wake Austin up this year at 9:30!! I couldn't contain myself any longer. The look on that child's face as he walked into the family room and saw the spectacle of red and white striped paper was absolutely priceless. We all sat watching him open his gifts with the goofiest smiles on our faces. Everyone elses presents went unopend. This will most probably be the last year that Austin totally believes in Santa. We reveled in the magic that is Christmas.

Patrick got Austin his own set of golf clubs. To play with him a little, Patrick got a little box and wrapped up about 8 of his old dirty golf balls. Patrick thought he would think it was a dirty trick and it would be funny. But just to show you how appreciative Austin is he opend those dirty old balls and said with such sweetness, "Thanks, Patrick!". So much for trickery. He was truly thankful for the golf balls! Imagine his face when Patrick brought in his own golf bag with golf clubs! It was priceless. After opening all of his gifts, which took quite a while, he stood in the middle of the wrapping paper and toys and said, "I wasn't THIS good!". My heart melted and ran down my cheeks. Yes, this child,this surprise, is one of the most wonderful gifts I've ever received. There was someone missing around our tree this year, it hurt, and it hurt deeply, but I have to believe that one day she will be back and Christmas can once again be complete. But, on a bright note, we had a new official family member this year in Bennie, my daughter Sarah's husband. He's been around for a long time, but this year he is officially one of us. I couldn't love him more if he were my own child. And then Patrick has Amber this year. What a gift she has been. I dearly love this girl. She feels like one of us already. He is madly in love with her and vice versa. To see this wonderful girl making my son so happy and so obviously in love with him has been my favorite gift this Christmas. (maybe next Christmas there will be a diamond ring!!!).

And now we get ready to start a brand new year. May it be filled with hope for everyone.  I have to believe that it will.