I've spent a lot of time in a bubble bath lately. I've been accused of hiding from the world in the bathtub. OK, I stand accused. I'll even admit that it's true. I could find worse places to hide from the world. I was born in July. I am a Cancer; a water sign. Maybe that has something to do with it. Water soothes me. It's the place I've always gone when I needed to be alone. As soon as the bubbles and the warm water surround me, I feel able to cope with most anything. As I said, I've spent a lot of time in a bubble bath lately.

For a few weeks I've been terribly worried about my daughter, Sarah Kate. A few weeks ago she began having joint pain. It started in her shoulders and every morning when she awoke the pain and stiffness had moved to another place in her body. Sarah is a very young woman. Only 22 years old and a new wife. She is one of the brightest lights in my world. She is kind and loving and compassionate. She has always felt like a special gift that I was given, undeserved. I remember the moment they placed her in my arms and the feeling I had. She was my third child in three years and four days, not planned, but very wanted. They placed that pink little bundle in my arms and I remember having this overwhelming feeling of a sense of her. A knowing of what she was going to be. I wasn't able to adequately articulate it on that day and I still can't, really, not the way I want to. But what I said out loud at that moment, and have felt in my heart ever since that morning was, "This child was born to be my friend." There is an easyness we have with one another, an unspoken understanding that I cherish. I am blessed beyond measure to have her call me Mom. So, when she began feeling bad several weeks ago I became very scared. I am a nurse. Sarah Kate is a nurse. We see all of the things that can go wrong with the human body. In fact, when you work in a hospital, taking care of the sick, you begin to marvel that anyone is well. It certainly teaches one to count their blessings. She would mention to me how she was feeling. Sarah is not one to complain of aches and pains. When she did, I was alarmed. We played this little game with each other. We were both scared. We both had a million diseases running through our minds, knew what the possibilities could be. But we kept our thoughts to ourselves. She not wanting to worry me, (ha!) and I not wanting to alarm her. We pretended that it was nothing. We played it down. Finally, after two weeks of worsening symptoms she called me when she woke up on a Monday morning. She was miserable, near tears. We immediately made an appointment with her doctor and I took her there that day. The doctor is one that we see on a regular basis at the hospital. She knows us. She began her exam and was asking all the questions that I knew that Sarah and I had not wanted to acknowledge needed answering. The blood work she was ordering made my heart freeze with fear. She had all the signs of Rheumatoid Arthritis and systemic Lupus. I know a lot of people live with this condition every day. But this was MY daughter. Young and vibrant. A new wife looking forward to being a mother in a couple of years. I went with her to the lab and watched as they drew vial after vial of blood from her. We were told it would be at least two days before there would be any results back. It was Monday. The week loomed long in front of us. Wednesday came, no results. Thursday, no results. Friday, no results. There should be a law against putting people through that kind of agony. On Monday, she called the office and demanded some results. They would fax her a release form and she was to sign it and send it back. Then they would fax her lab results. She came to my house to wait by the fax machine. We made small talk. I silently started making deals with God. She is so young and has so much ahead of her. Please God, don't let her be sick. Give it to me. I'll take it, but please, please, please, let her be healthy to have babies and be able to take care of those babies. The fax machine rang, the release was signed and sent back and we sat watching the fax machine in anticipation of lab results. Finally, after an agonizingly long time, it rang and her verdict began its slow extrusion from the machine. Sed Rate was normal....I released the breath that I had been holding. RA factor within normal limits...another breath. RBC's within normal limits....another breath. Lab after lab within normal limits. Then we got to the EBV. Positive. Ok, this could mean a lot of things. The doctor had made a note on the results that she still wanted her to see the Rheumatologist. Appointment made for this coming Thursday. We celebrated. We cried, finally.

I hope we haven't celebrated too soon. Although I feel more optimistic after seeing her labs, I still cannot completely relax. Her symptoms have lessened a little, but are still there. If you're reading this and are one who prays, could you please say a little prayer for my beautiful daughter with the sweet spirit? I will be forever grateful.