I have been sitting and thinking a lot lately. I've been looking through old magazines (you wouldn't believe my archive of decorating magazines!), and catalogs. I have realized that my home doesn't feel like "me". I struggle with every new purchasing decision when it involves something for the house. Then, when I do purchase something, it just doesn't feel right somehow.

 

When I first married, I thought I was all about modern furniture and decorating. So, naturally we bought modern furniture and decorated our first home with lots of bamboo and glass. I wasn't comfortable with it at all. It was just not cozy. It wasn't homey, and I'm all about homey. I think I went with the modern stuff because my mother had always loved Early American. I was sick of Early American and wanted something totally different. It didn't take me long, however, to find out that "modern" wasn't me. At the time (late 70's) "country decorating" was all the rage. I immediately jumped in with both feet. My mother-in-law gave me a beautiful old pie safe and an old, round wooden kitchen table and chairs.I love old things, I think I have an old soul.  I stripped the bamboo wallpaper and put up navy blue and white pinstripes with a cute little duck border (I can see the eye rolling). I found anything old and claimed it. I painted and distressed, I sewed and made country craft things. Before long, my home had a very cozy, comfortable feel. I liked it. It was me.

 

I don't really know why I got away from it, but when we moved into this house in 1994 I decided to make a change. I went with a more traditional look. I've lived with it now for 12 years and I've never felt like I "got it right". There seem to be rules for this type of decorating and I don't understand them. Country was easy for me. It was natural. It was fun and I miss it.

 

I want to go back to country. Maybe not quite as country as it was at one time, but country. You know what they say; "You can take a girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl". I miss the neat clutter of country. Maybe because I'm such a clutterbug at heart. I've always been attracted tocountry prints and country fabrics. I think I'm tired of resisting them.

 

So, guess what? I'm on a new mission. I will be happily converting my "not quite there" traditional home back to the comfortable and cozy country place that I think I was destined to have all along.

 

Winning the lottery would be nice.