Storytime

I love this picture. Doesn't it make you feel serene and calm just to look at it? I had the night off tonight. I looked forward all day to putting a fire in the fireplace and snuggling on the couch to read to Austin. While going through some things in the basement a few weeks ago, I came across an old box of books that had belonged to my first litter (remember, raising Austin isn't my first tumble in the dryer). I found a little chapter book, SOUNDER by William H. Armstrong (Newberry Medal Winner). I don't remember ever reading it before, in fact I wasn't familiar with this
book at all. I guess one of the girls bought it a long time ago and read it alone.

Austin and I were curled up in the corner of the couch with a blanket and the fire crackling. Such a sweet place to be. The story starts out about a little black boy a long time ago. His father was a sharecropper. It was winter time and there were no crops to work for money. The weather had been bad for coon hunting and in the winter they relied on coon skins for money and food. He wakes up one morning to smell pork sausage frying and ham boiling in water on the wood cook stove. His mother, he notices, is very nervous. I had deduced that his father had done something illegal to get this food for his family and I was worried about how all this was going to turn out. But, I had no idea the conversation that I was going to be forced into when I sat down and snuggled in with my son for a peaceful storytime.

Now, imagine this scene; I'm reading along when out of the blue I find myself in the middle of the following sentences after the local sheriff has burst through the door of their cabin. "There are two things I can smell a mile," the first man said in a loud voice. "One's a ham cookin' and the other's a thievin' (insert n word here)."

I stopped right after saying "thievin'" and said, "Austin, I can't read this word to you." I don't think this child has ever heard that word. He certainly has never heard it from me. I stammered for a bit. I was mad! I was furious that this word had crept into our peaceful little world there on the couch during what was supposed to be a peaceful evening of reading to my little boy. I thought that this book was going to be about a little boy and his dog, Sounder. Now, don't misunderstand me here. It wasn't that I was going to have to explain about ugliness in the world. I don't ever shy away from that. I was angry that I had not been able to choose the time. But, there it was, and explaining it was mine to do. So, I did. Or at least I tried to. I didn't know how to answer his questions about why some people hate some people just because their skin is a different color. This was an entirely new concept to him. He's never seen or heard anyone treat his friends, Chellen, Vanessa, and Bre badly because their skin happens to be black.It had never occured to him that there was anyting different about his friends. They were just Chellen, Vanessa, and Bre. No different than Megan, Trevor, and Daniel. This is what I was so mad about. He was so innocent. So ignorant of such ignorance. What should have been a pleasant moment between mother and son had turned into a life lesson that I didn't think was necessary at this moment in his life.

So, we discussed it. I told him that he sould never ever use that word. That it was a disgusting word that mean and ignorant people used. I told him that if he ever heard that word again that he should recognize what it meant and should stand up for his friends if it were ever directed at them. By the indignation and shock that he expressed, I have no doubt that he wouldn't tolerate it.

As I said, I was very upset by the whole incident. I put him to bed, listened to his prayers, kissed him goodnight and turned out the light. As I closed his door my heart was heavy that our evening had been tarnished. I've thought about it a lot since then, and I'm ashamed of myself. What was wrong with me!! I have now decided that I'm grateful that I was the one that was right there beside him the first time this ugly word entered his world. I'm glad I was there to explain ignorance and bigotry to him. I'm not happy that these are things that any child has to learn about. But I'm glad he didn't hear it for the first time on a playground where he wouldn't have a frame of reference to filter it through. And you know, it came to me as I was folding clothes in the laundry room after he was asleep, wouldn't the world be better off if every child could learn of the evilness in the world from the comfort of a parent's lap who could then go on to explain that it was up to them and other's like them to see that those kinds of words and deeds didn't continue.

Yes, our "comfortable" little scene was disturbed tonight. But, I'm glad now. My little boy went to bed having learned a lesson that I hope he never forgets. Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were a million other littleboys and girls that had their "comfortable" little scenes disturbed also.

Sweet dreams, my little Austin.